There's no anti-Semitism problem in Labour, says Jeremy Corbyn. And you know, Jeremy's gone on the record a few times now, saying that he condemns anti-Semitism (and all forms of racism).
That little (and all forms of racism). Jez has slipped it into every denunciation of anti-Semitism I've heard him make. I don't know why he feels he has to, like he can't focus on hatred of Jews without throwing in other types of hatred too, but that's what he does. (I have some theories, but they're less than charitable, so let's leave them aside).
The important point is this: Labour is opposed to anti-Semitism (and all forms of racism). And there's no anti-Semitism problem in Labour. In fact, Labour is and always will be staunchly against anti-Semitism (and all forms of racism).
Which is why there's no problem with anti-Semitism in Labour.
Set aside the Labour councillors and activists who've been suspended for indulging in a bit of Jew-hating, making jokes online about big noses etc. Nooo, Jeremy Corbyn says, no anti-Semitism problem in Labour.
Set aside the fact that the only time these people are dealt with is when the 'orrible right wing media/bloggers point out what they've been saying. Because presumably, these people spout their bilge into social media vacuums where nobody else in Labour pays any attention to them. But nooo, says Jez, no problem here.
Set aside the fact that after Jez came into power, people who were turfed from the party historically for saying or doing batshit crazy things, suddenly got re-admitted. And then, only got re-suspended when the 'orrible right wing media pointed out the kind of Jew-hating they were still indulging in. Nooo, sez Jez, no problem in Labour.
Nor the fact that some of these people who've been suspended or re-suspended have gotten suspension letters say 'we'll reconsider in 2 years time'. Slap on the wrist for your indiscretions, but the fuss will eventually blow over and you can come back. But nooo, says Jez. No problem.
So after setting all of that aside, you have the spectacle of Naz Shah, a Labour MP, someone elected to the highest political chamber of the country, getting nailed for saying not-nice stuff about Jews and Zionists. Someone who presumably got screened, interviewed and who-knows-what-elsed before being short-listed as a candidate. Nope, nooo, no anti-Semitism problem, says Jez.
And then when she's in trouble, the best she can come up with in her inevitable apologies are beauties like "I said it before I was an MP" (that'll be a fun standard to apply to other parties in future, right? Right? RIGHT?), and my personal favourite "I disagree with what I said" (is she pleading insanity or just hoping people won't bother listening to what she says as long as the lips are moving)?
No anti-Semitism problem, maintains Jez, and eventually, eventually, instead of firing her nasty ass, he 'mutually agrees' with her that maybe her time in Labour is up (for a bit at least; any bets on where she'll be in a few years' time?). But the important thing to remember, folks, is that there's no anti-Semitism problem, really. It was all before she was an MP, and besides, she doesn't really agree with herself. Let's move on, please.
But no. Then Rupa Huq, yet another Labour MP, stands up to defend Naz. Just some silly sharing on Facebook, nothing serious, not as if she's been typing up Mein Kampf (only the 'the Jews are rallying', just an affectionate quip if you think about it, really), and anyway, it was before etc etc and she disagrees with herself now etc etc. A second MP who might've been in line for some disciplining? No need, 'cause there's no problem. Jez says so. None. Leave me alone, no problem dammit.
But no. Rupa's safe, as it turns out, because our attention is diverted as along comes the piece de-bloody-resistance. Ken Livingstone, mate and ally of Jez for decades, the FORMER LABOUR MAYOR OF FUCKING LONDON, appointed to defense reviews and who knows what in Jez's New Old Labour, crops up on telly and radio and suggests, inter alia, that Hitler was a Zionist, that anti-Semitism isn't racism, blah blah blah 'they don't teach that in Israeli schools', and so on.
And then yes, eventually this senior Labour figure who was once LABOUR'S MAYOR OF FUCKING LONDON, of all people, got suspended too.
But still, no problem, according to Jez. What problem? Minor wobble, dealt with. Noooo problem, none.
But wait. Did I say that Ken Livingstone was the piece de resistance of this sorry tale? No, Dear Reader. Sorry, not exactly. But we're getting there. We have to roll back the clock a few hours, and watch the spectacle of John Mann, another Labour MP, haranguing Ken for being a racist and Nazi apologist while the cameras were rolling. All over Youtube, immortalised, along with Ken trying to hide in a disabled loo.
So yes. You can't make this stuff up, but here you go: along with Ken's suspension, John Mann got called in to Labour HQ for a bit of a dressing down. Think of the party, John, can't have you embarassing us like that. Especially when there's no anti-Semitism problem in the party, John. None. One can only presume that John Mann, having presented himself to The Boss for a bollocking, cut said Boss short after about 3 minutes of this and said something along the lines of 'go fuck yourself Jeremy' and Jeremy probably said 'fair do's, mate'. Maybe.
Now, Dear Reader, we're ready for that piece de resistance.
(Did I mention that Jez says that there's no problem with anti-Semitism in Labour?)
Here we go...
A Jez fan set up a change.org petition to have John Mann disciplined for 'bringing the party into disrepute'.
And as of tonight, over 12,000 people have signed it.
All of whom have watched the news and heard what Ken said, who're aware of what Labour members and councillors and even MPs have said and continue to say, and still felt that John Mann's little tirade is the thing to be outraged about, the thing that brings Labour into disrepute.
There, Jeremy, is Labour's anti-Semitism problem.