the corner office

a blog, by Colin Pretorius

That Turned Out Well

UK elections are over. Can the divisions now heal, the nation asks? I think not, if my Facebook feed is anything to go by. Everybody still hates everybody else.


  • Theresa May: hubris, meet nemesis.

  • Jeremy Corbyn: meet the opposition benches. Again.

  • Everybody else: soz.

For me, I don't like May or Corbyn so I was expecting the outcome to be 50/50 no matter how it went. And despite everyone expecting a landslide, in the buildup I found myself thinking 'we thought Brexit would never happen' and 'we thought Trump would never get in,' and so when the exit polls came out on Thursday night, it wasn't an unfamiliar feeling.

But not entirely familiar either, because unlike Trump and the Leavers, Labour didn't win. But then, neither did the Tories, really. So actually it turned out to be win-win for me. With Alex Salmond losing his seat as a cherry on top. Not that like I like cherries. Or Alex Salmond, as you may guess.

This is, I admit, a purely selfish assessment. But assuming we get something akin to the status quo and who-knows-what with Brexit which was likely to be the outcome anyway, it may yet turn out to not be the end of the world.

{2017.06.13 22:09} : Comments (0)

Hard Brexit and the Hard Left

I had a little chuckle at this Guardian post from yesterday's politics live feed, about the Communist Party of Great Britain's decision to stand aside for Labour during these elections:

The Communist party's decision to stand aside is unlikely to be of much use to Labour. According to the Guardian's 2015 results charts, the party received just 275 votes across the whole of the UK in that election.

Needless to say, the statement from the CPGB has this gem (emphasis mine):

Any reverses for Labour will be used as a pretext by the right-wing pro-EU, pro-NATO faction in the Parliamentary Labour Party and its trade union allies to launch yet another bid to remove Jeremy Corbyn and take the Labour Party back to the neoliberal and pro-war policies of the past.

Thus the Communist Party says:

  • ...

  • Leave the EU Single Market and NATO!

  • No to any free trade treaty with the EU that denies workers' rights and the role of the public sector!

So, not exactly Remainers then.

Who cares, for 275 votes, one might ask? At this point I digress - the interesting bit comes down to the CPGB's history, and Jezza's ties to the party. Somewhere along the way since Corbyn won the leadership election, I've developed a slightly macabre interest in the arcane history of the British Left.

A few links so I don't forget them:

I've always joked that Corbyn thought the wrong side won the Cold War, put all of it together and I wasn't far off the mark. End of digression.

The main point goes back to a part I removed from my previous post, and immediately regretted: the way I see it, in order to win votes, Theresa May is a lukewarm Remainer masquerading as an arch-Brexiter, while Jeremy Corbyn is an arch-Brexiter masquerading as a lukewarm Remainer (*). You can quibble over details, but Jezza's gang of old-school lefties are as anti-EU as the worst of UKIP. The irony is that pro-Remain Corbynistas have to shoulder no small part of the blame for us leaving the EU.

(*) I initially said Corbyn was a lukewarm Remainer in order to lose votes. I'd argue that was the case for the referendum, it's probably not fair to say that now.

{2017.04.25 22:26} : Comments (0)

Election 2017

So we can look forward to 7 weeks of virtue signalling, hyperbole, tribalism and screeching on social media. Yay.

You might say that is my contribution to the hyperbole and screeching. If you came here earlier, you got to read my take on May and Corbyn and Farron. But I re-read it and decided I wasn't being particularly nice about any of them and it's a bit rich of me to moan about what people are going to be like online, and then do the same thing, so I've edited it away.

It's not that I don't have opinions about them all but I'd rather find a better tone with which to say it, first.

All I'll keep is this: I don't plan to vote for any of them.

{2017.04.18 22:42} : Comments (0)

Being offline

Technology is great but I don't like the idea of voice-activated personal assistance devices, thank you, especially ones with an internet connection and which connect to the mothership.

At the same time, it's a given I think that they're going to become ubiquitous.

This xkcd hits the nail on the head. How will society deal with this 'intrusion' into our privacy? Do we get to the point where you go to visit someone and have to politely ask them what devices they have, and to unplug them from the wall? What about smart mobile phones?

{2017.04.17 22:59} : Comments (0)


If there were any doubt that the UK is now a one-party state, the Tories won the by-election in Copeland. First governing party to gain in a by-election since the Thatcher era, and taking a seat that's been staunchly Labour for 80 years.

The only reasonable explanation is that Theresa May is forcing Jezza to stick around because she has some kompromat of him tucking into a Big Mac or something.

{2017.02.24 22:30} : Comments (0)

The Original Alternative Facts

Steven Landsburg:

To what extent have the churches, by training people to accept obvious nonsense without blinking, created the conditions in which Trumpism can flourish?

I was having a grumble about this just the other day. Fake news is suddenly a big issue, but human beings have been doing fake news and alternative facts for, like, ever.

(and to be fair, religious types are not the only ones guilty of it).

{2017.02.23 21:24} : Comments (0)

The Phlebotomy Visit

I needed to visit the local hospital for a blood test. I arrived early but a few dozen people had arrived even earlier than me and the place was already packed. All the seats were taken up and we were queuing up down the corridor, all holding our little pieces of paper with numbers on them from the number dispenser.

I ended up getting into a conversation with 3 other gents who were standing around me. There was plenty of can-you-believe-its and moaning and grumbling about the state of the world and the hospital in particular. I enjoy these impromptu exchanges because you often get to see the world through lenses rather different to those you're used to.

And so the anecdotes about what somebody's mate the copper goes through, or the state of the NHS and the daft things the government has done, or the crazy 'elf and safety that firemen have to deal with, or some or other crowd of workers are getting shafted with their pensions, or how hospitals are too noisy these days and nurses keep switching on the lights at crazy hours "cause they say they got to see what they're doin' ain't they" and so and and so on.

Amidst the grumbles and the banter, one fellow ends a soliloquay with something along the lines of "and you know, it's our fault really, because all this 'appens but we let it 'appen, and none of us ever says nuthin' about it".

True, true, they nod, and then one dude says "I'll tell you one thing about us English though. Nobody else would be standing here crackin' jokes about it like this" and some chuckles and "yeah", and then the dude remembers that although I'm not enough of an outsider to not fit into the conversation, my contributions have not been in an accent which could remotely be described as 'English'.

"Sorry mate", says he awkwardly, "I didn't mean to cause offense by saying that, I, uh"...

"Not at all", says I, "us South Africans are the same, if anything I think we're a bit worse"

"How so?"

"Well, our humour's probably a bit darker than yours"

"Really, why, what would you be joking about here?"

"Well, we'd be joking about the same sorts of things, but we'd also start cracking jokes about people dying in their seats while waiting..."

"Oh." ... the dreaded "oh" - the one you get when you realise that the locals have a line, and what you've just said has put you firmly on the wrong side of it.

Slightly awkward silence before the conversation moved on. I decided not to continue with my planned riff about the lady in the corner probably having pegged it 3 days ago and nobody noticing until the smell got iffy, but we should check what her number is in case it's earlier than ours and we can toss a coin to see who gets it.

So anyway. Things I have learned today: it costs a doctor 70 quid to get the hospital property management company to get a picture hung in their office, firemen have to take a fire engine out of service and call in contractors if a light bulb blows, policemen have to buy their own batteries for their walky talkies, and get into trouble and have to fill out half a day's paperwork if they take out their truncheons, you never want to go to the hospital across the river from Big Ben because that bell is bloody loud when it rings at night, and there's no damned point breaking your neck to get to the hospital early for a blood test because there's only one person on the early shift and the pace won't pick up until the rest of the staff have arrived, anyway.

Oh, and in the UK: people dying in queues is not funny.

{2017.02.13 22:15} : Comments (0)

Current Affairs

If I went back through my blog I'd probably find I say this every year, or couple of years: if there were a resolution worth making for 2017 it would be to simply stop reading the news.

The news is depressing, or makes me angry. The people who make the news make me angry, or depress me. Then there's getting irked by people having loud opinions about the news, or loud opinions about the people in the news, and the fact that I'm always getting irked by people is even more depressing.

Knowing what's happening the world is one thing. But really, apart from a quick bullet list of this-and-that happened and nope we haven't been invaded by anyone today, what benefit does the rest bring to my life, apart from being a diversion?

I'd be lying if I said that I was going to actually resolve to not read the news. But I probably should.

{2017.01.13 17:11} : Comments (0)


2017 is upon us. Floss more, take the stairs more often, &c &c &c.

{2017.01.08 22:01} : Comments (0)


It's almost a month since the feller got elected. I can't say that I have anything interesting to say about it, beyond the fact that it's such a WTF moment in modern history that it's worth putting down a few thoughts for posterity.

First, as I said, WTF. I don't understand how people could have voted for Trump, but they did. That's a literal "I don't understand," not rhetorical. The simplistic explanations aren't convincing. I think the standard reasons given say as much about the prejudices of others, as they do about American voters.

Second, the squealing and virtue signalling on social media and traditional media has all been a bit much. Yes the man is guilty of all manner of horribleness, but more decent discussion and less rending of clothes, please.

Third, I do wonder how the next 4 years will pan out. I suspect it will be worse in some ways, and not so bad in others. I think the Third Reich analogies are misplaced, and ... well, I hope I'm right.

Fourth. Trump's protectionist policies are right out of the Corbyn camp. I look forward to ending the usual arguments about protectionism with "well, at least you and Trump agree on something."

{2016.12.06 21:54} : Comments (0)

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